Saturday, December 10, 2011

leaving the station

5am December 10th I’m awaken by a train in the distance rumbling along.  If you think about it trains never really get where they are going. 
I get up stretch out my bad shoulder.  Make my way downstairs to make coffee and let the dogs out. 
The dogs already know, they are wild.  Over the next few hours they follow me around the house as I slowly collect a pile of things I need and add layers to my body.  At 6 am it was long john bottoms, no shirt, and a cup of coffee.  7 am I had added a long john shirt and a pair of socks. 

By 8 am a pair of thick pants and a second shirt with my fourth cup of coffee.  Before the second shirt went on I happened past a mirror. I can now see the training I have been doing starting to pay off.  It is a small victory but a victory none the less; the way I see it I am miles of course. 
I really should have been born a train with track to follow but knowing me I would still manage to jump the track.   
In another December I was in a hospital running down the hallways with the Surgical Team.  In another I was 7 months pregnant on skis with a spunky three year old beside me.  In yet another I was here.
Now it is just a waiting game.  Waiting to take Beach to the gym so I can hit the snowy dark canyon and try again to reach the sun.  I had invited BJ to come with but UPR had other plans for him & ironically judging by the response in my in box he is on one of those 5 am trains.

Just when I think I know what comes next I am reminded how unpredictable life is.  It seems like I haven't hiked with Colby for years.  He is unlike any of the other men in my life.

When I was ready to quit he ignored it & moved us on.  When I didn't know which trail to follow he picked for us.  When I accidental dropped my hat he asked, "Did you want that?" There was a point on the trail where it got very steep.  It was icy & muddy at the same time.  When I realized I needed a hand up I looked up to see Colby was gone.  I was alone.

This is what I know: the greatest strength of this relationship is also its weakness.  We are two distinct individuals.  Every man for him or herself, on their own time under their own power.  It is why we have dogs.  But is also why when I climb mountains I can plant my own flag on the summit.

I managed to get up and over the rough spot on my own.  I am more capable than I know but far less than he believes me to be.  Finally I told him we were simply out of time.  I turned around to head back.  He continued up to the next shoulder telling me he would meet up with me in a little while. 

Like we do so often we walked in polar opposite directions along the same line for the same reasons.  The dogs following me.  And not too far into the next little gully Colby came crashing into view with stories from a mountain top to share with me while we walked back down the way we had come together.


"I wish you had a really good friend you could hike with.  You hike alone too often." he said.
This is a journey, an adventure, and along the way there are destinations but like a train we never truly get where we are going... 

No comments:

Post a Comment