Saturday, December 31, 2011

saying good-bye to 2011

I finished writing two full size novels, my youngest child learned to read, my son learned to trust, I lost a dog to the darkness, & between the lines I found my sister.  There are so many words...   

"When love hath been so strong: let silence speak."   ~Valedication, Dowson~

Friday, December 23, 2011

disappearing into the blue

 I’m kind of a cheater when it comes to life.  I secretly grab hold to those around me.  I use them to keep my head above water when I’m too weak to draw that power from myself.  It’s dangerous to be in water not knowing how to swim.  It’s dangerous to rely on others to save you when you have never told them they keep you afloat.  And sometimes I cut it too close let myself flounder for too long, realize too late that I am grabbing for someone or something that is no longer there. 
I need a little time to look around.
To count hearts in the circle.
To cherish the victories & mourn the losses. 
To clear my soul & find my smile.
To write for myself.
To run alone.   
This is my present to me, a little private time off. 
I will be ‘seeing’ you all in the New Year.  I wish you all a fabulous week!
“It feels curiously like holding your breath under water.  Eyes shut tight, mouth closed, you could try to convince yourself to inhale but you know it won’t work.  Your body won’t betray you like your mind will.  You would never attempt to take air underwater the same way you would never jump over the rail.  Ludicrous really, all of it, being underwater thinking about breathing, being on the edge thinking about jumping. And being next to him.  One moment he is looking away. The wind is blowing. He turns and smiles. It feels like you have taken a lung full of water, like your foot is where your hand should be, and you are about to drown from jumping over an unthinkable edge.  The impact is solid.  You haven’t just fallen in love with him you have always been in love with him.  His smile widens spreading into his eyes.  That’s right, you are the last to know.” ~Racing the Devil, by mlb~ 

Until we meet again, with love,
Sweet Misty Brown

chilling with chocolate

We've got cousins, lots of cousins.  So for Christmas we are making them all something yummy! 

Crunchy Chocolate Squares
15 minutes preparation, 1 hour chilling
Makes 16 squares

8 ounces (8 squares) semisweet chocolate
¼ cup butter
¼ cup light corn syrup
8 graham crackers

  1. Line an 8-inch baking pan with foil, letting the foil overhand the sides of the pan.
  2. In a saucepan, heat chocolate, butter, & corn syrup over low heat, stirring occasionally until chocolate and butter have melted into a smooth mixture.  Remove from heat.
  3. Break crackers into smaller pieces & stir into chocolate mixture.  Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared pan and chill for 1 hour.
  5. Using the edges of the foil lift from the pan while peeling the chocolate graham cracker mixture away from the foil.  Cut into 2-inch squares.  Refrigerate leftovers. (Recipe credit goes to Great America Home Baking)

giving is for the brids

Every year I give my kids a the means to give a gift to a charity.  For years we trucked blankets to Primary Children's Medical Center to the NICU a couple of years gifting toys to the Surgical Units and the Burn Center at the U.  But since Beach has been on board she moved us away from people to her passion: Animals. 
 In the spirit of Simple I needed to limit the gift to one.  So what will it be?  Dog food for the shelter, cat toys, perhaps cookies for the nurses at the ER Vet where Kilo died?

She picked feeding the little birds in her own backyard with these little ice-feeders.  I suppose we can afford to make more than one... 

heart and stomach

Late last night hiking without happy meals had some welcome holiday visitors.  Visitors loaded with gifts for us!!!!
Okay, actually we were just a side effect of the gift they were giving themselves.  See the folks over at Joyful Liberation got liberated from gluten and we got all they had in the house- even stuff that just lingered with gluten. 
I know I joke around a lot but I really want them to know how excited I am for them.  In the last half of a year I have seen other friends pick their roads through the food maze and each time I get really happy like when Crabby Mamma followed her heart away from eating meat and a Blogger Friend at loving to learn who embraced a vegan life for her and her family.  It brings me joy to see my friends embark on adventures of their own best living.

So, this is just US wishing THEM, (all of THEM's & YOU) good health & happy tummies.  May the head of your heart & the soul of your stomach always agree.  
And thank you for the groceries!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

through the window today

A star for hope & longer days.
(Directions from hey what's for dinner mom?)
Something for mom & something for dad to go under the tree.
Frosty ornaments for the birds while mom reads.

A bit of math, Ranger Rick, building compound words, & silent reading.  Not bad for a short day.

freud and the elephant

I had a nightmare that an angry elephant was trapped in the inner rooms of my house.  It was going ape shit, smashing & stomping.  I remember closing the doors running with my kids telling them “We have to get out of here there is a mad elephant trying to kill us!”

I’m not prone to silly nightmares.  I am one of those adults who often wakes thrashing & screaming.  Who in the dark isn’t sure what is real and what isn’t.  Minor flaw, unless you sleep next to me. 
I shrugged off the silly elephant dream and the next night had a dream an angry nursing cougar mom was in my house and the only way to calm her down would be to give her a much needed bath.

No, I haven’t been smoking anything…but I have been doing something not so normal for me.  I have been letting other people’s bad behaviors & negativity affect me.  I stand with my favorite x-sister-in-law “No one has the power to make my day bad.  I am the only one with that power.”

I get cut off in line or on the road I figure they must have a good reason.  Someone openly lies to me or steals from me I thinking there must be a reason why they need to do these things.  My beloved dog was hit & killed (a few mouths back).  And although I agree it is most logical the driver knew and left my dog to die in the street I FEEL the driver must have not known he hit him. 

A few days ago I got pretty viciously nailed in my car by a truck running a red light.  The driver fled.  I was never angry, a little scared, but mostly grateful for the chance to see the kindness of a stranger.  Angry just doesn’t stick to me very well.  Because someone like me can’t afford it.  If I was to let Angry in it would be like that elephant, it would destroy what & who I am.  It would take away what I earned that summer day so long ago when I packed a bag, took my children, & left for higher ground.
When the Boy called this morning with his flight info I told him about my car and how I had almost been driving his.  He told me he wished it had been his car rather than mine because he has full coverage and he knows I don’t.
Well, if that isn’t the elephant in the room I don’t know what is.  I have a return to make.  I have bought something I can’t afford.  Here Mr. Universe is your Anger back, in-store Karma will be just fine.  
Spend enough love each day for a lifetime because you never know what the next day may bring.  You can never go back, only on.  ~mlb

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

driving with coffin

 Ski Free After Three sometimes encounters technical difficulties: like Utah mountain weather & the canyon crawl.  But to make sure it wasn't anything more than the usual we checked the radio: Little and Big Cottonwoods Canyons are open.  Chains or 4-wheel-drive required.  Quality of driving conditions vary please drive with caution.

Beach from the backseat, "Why did she say we have to drive with a coffin?  Are the roads that bad?"

Wrong kind of gator

Everywhere Boo goes she finds love.

The tights are a give away that she's a local.
Of course she is snacking.
                                                (Didn't know I was a car chicken did ya?)
The greatest snow on earth coffins not requires.

delusions of a mental health day

Today is my day off, theoretically.  It is the day that my partner in educational crime over at Joyful Liberation takes my Beach to do things with her I can’t.  Complicated things like arts & crafts & Girl Scout Songs. 

I should be hiking but I don’t have time- today is only a half day off because at 3 we ski!!!
I should be running but the air sucks!  Okay it doesn’t suck it tastes bad I tried it earlier & stopped running at mouthful, I mean mile 3.
I should be writing but my head is dead silent.

I could read but I don’t want to.
I could soak but I don’t want to do that either.

So I have an idea.  Last night I made an orange-cornmeal cake.  Holy cow good!  I think I’m going make me another & while it is baking tackle some jump squats with Jillian.  When the cake cools I am going walk it to this little family that lives in the rundown apartments at the top of my street & give it to them for no reason at all.

I should be and could be a whole lot of things today but sometimes you just have to stop & listen to your heart.  Mine says: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I suppose I just need to feel a little bit loved today. 
And in case you feel like you need a little slice of love too here is the link to the recipe. 

Monday, December 19, 2011

when fish fly

"Mom, can I go help dad out in the green house?  He needs me."
"Sure.  What is he working on?"
"Oh, making the hot tub nicer and the fixing up the pond tub."
"What are you going to do out there for him."
"I'm the person who finds the fish the pump shoots out into the field."

Um...really? Fish are shooting out of the green house into the field?! I gotta see this.

five today please

This was Colby & Fisher's first trip through the new Natural History Museum of Utah. 
The museum guide told us to start on the 5th floor & go through that way.  It was a great idea! 
Beach joining in on an 8th grade science class.

I can see you touching that.
 So Colby, how did you like the new museum?
"I'm tired & hungry & I don't feel well & I want to go home now."
Let's ask him again when he isn't sick....