Thursday, January 19, 2012

simply me

As the school bus pulls away outside in the January rain (not snow) I am listening to Beach and Colby in the warm kitchen making crepes together.  Before I finish this post Colby will be gone, off to work leaving us the whole day, a whole day to discover, a whole day to learn, a whole day alone here. 

It is brave new world on the R&B farm, last night I sent a copy of one of my manuscripts to the man requesting a chance to see it.  This isn’t a true step towards getting published it is more like an indulgence, a rather green editor wanting to see the whole picture of something that caught his eye. 

The day is supposed to be warm and wet which means muddy floors but I am told it is snowing in the mountains.  I have writing to do, some cleaning, a date with the treadmill at the rec. center, three novels (of Beach’s) all so close to the end I’m sure they will be done today, subtraction action, the list with Beach is endless.    

This day asks me: are you sure you know what you are doing?
Yeah, that is a good question.  Right now I’m peaceful content, tittering on the edge of happiness.  Happiness in the grey, unsure, but traveling anyway. 

In my mind there is a cabin in the woods surrounded by miles of mountain running trails, maybe a lake, and no one around for miles.  It is always Autumn, there is always coffee, and blankets and the perfect big chair with the perfect view of nothing but towering trees.  I am a writing there.
I found a truth yesterday I can’t hide from so I’m not going to anymore.  This is who I am.  And that is where you can find me in an imaginary cabin in the woods collecting words to tell stories. 
It is what I want.
I am day dreaming of a trail bathed in sunlight, of a moment in time when I am alone moving under my own power towards what I want for myself. 

Number 1 on that short list of 5 is this: follow your dreams all the way up that mountain, and this time don't let anyone or anything stop you until you reach the summit.         

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