Monday, August 8, 2011

the good, the bad, and the invisible

This was not the news I thought I would hear today.  The plan was to pop into the Devil’s Playground (aka Wal-Mart) for a cheap eye-examine & an even cheaper pair of replacement glasses for Beach. Okay hind sight: going to Wal-Mart for an eye exam with Beach & her vision issues is like asking the dog to babysit.  Hind sight: Beach actually asked me ‘how do we know I need glasses.’  Hum because you have had them since age 3; because you are legally blind in your left eye because things like that don’t just get better.  Oh be careful, they may not suddenly get better but it can go from bad to worse.

The Doctor shaking his head, “This is crazy she can’t see like this.  The best I can do with correction is 20/70 without correction she is 20/240.”
“That is the best & the worst her vision has ever been.” I say a little baffled.
He frowns, “Glasses can’t help her.  The point correction between the two eyes is 4.25 apart, maybe if it was 1 or even 2 points off but that big of a difference between the eyes makes it nearly impossible; most would never tolerate it.  She needs to be in contacts.  And this is not the place.  You need to see a specialist to try to save what vision she does have +5.25 is huge.  I will give you a referral.  She needs PT and patching.  I know she is almost 8 but we are finding that the mind & body has capabilities for improvement well into the early teens.  I can't believe she can do gymnastics.”
“Wait, back up. Are you saying her basal vision is worse but somehow her vision with glasses is better?”
“Sort of, the eye is worse the adjustment needed is easier to correct for.”
“But she saw 3D for the first time just a few months ago?”
Here is the gut-ball.  He is holding all her information post exam. He is the expert & he asks, “What makes you think she could see 3D?”
I’m not arguing the contradictory facts.  Science says she can’t see, that 3D for her isn’t possible.  And history says she saw it.  It was like a small waking dream a moment in time as her vision was changing (it is always in flux) where she could but it is long gone.  

“Mom I want to be able to read with my bad eye.” Beach had said before the appointment. I had said why not, we could patch her & practice it.  That was before the Doctor covered the right eye, the giant E in the mirror, “Can you read that?”

“I’m not even going let you get glasses today with this information it would be a waste of money.” He said trading me the RX for a card, “The Specialist’s office will be contacting you. She will see her right away.”

And just like that we are back to the beginning, being rushed to the top of priority list of some Specialist; patching, pt, & the threat of blindness.       
I dropped Beach off at the gym watched her lead warm ups. Watched her take charge on the beam & then I left driving home holding the paper print out & the card to some new Doctor on my lap; I needed to call her dad & break the bad news. 

Are you ready to help her fight? We’ve got a big one coming. The positive: this time around it is her fight, her choice, her life, her goals, her vision.  This time around the little person who had to trust us that sending her into darkness was for the best is smart enough & strong enough to do what it takes & understand why.  After all she knows things we don’t, she is the one who said it, “How do we know I need glasses?” 
You’re right Boo, clearly we don’t.  What I do know is I'm about to find out who my true friends are. Life just changed & we had better be ready for it.         


  1. Hey, so I'll be here listening and watching and sending good thoughts and warm wishes… which is only a little in the way of comfort, but I thought, Well, that's okay.

    How amazing that she can do gymnastics with all that techno-eye speak saying she shouldn't be Able. Who's making the rules round here? I'm thinking: Beach. I want it to be Beach.

  2. I am here if you need anything. A shoulder to cry on a ear to vent at, or whatever else you may need. I hope it will bring you comfort that you do have people who truly care. You are an amazing woman with an amazing child. Beach knows what she can and can't do she makes her own rules and flourishes because of it all. <3