Wednesday, June 1, 2011

camping does not cause Chlamydia & other pearls of wisdom from the group W bench

Two & half hours the length of level 3 gymnastics practice at GTC is a long time to sit on a bench.  It isn’t easy to do. Staying out of trouble doing it is even harder.

It goes like this…female parent is complaining about cleaning her pool. I slip while inquiring about the filtration system asking if it prevents Chlamydia (she started it) I meant to ask if it prevents Cryptosporidium, you know 'swim don’t swallow'.  

Male parent joins us offering this story:
A friend’s wife comes into the fire station recounting how sick she got camping, “I got Chlamydia from camping.” 
So image how a room full of firefighters would be handling this delicate situation.  If you don’t know a firefighter insert that kid from the 5th grade who would turn his eye lids inside, drop his pants, & run around the play ground screaming “Look what I can do!”
“You got Chlamydia from camping?! Are you sure?”
“Yes, that is what my husband told me. That I got it from the water.”
“You got it from the water? Are you sure you mean Chlamydia?!”
“Yeah. You know Beaver Fever.”
OH WAIT- that would be Giardia. Oops.

We have 2 hours left now what?

Female parent comes in at the end of practice one day.  Her husband has suffered a brain attack over the last week. A very serious matter.  We spend a few minutes offering love & support.  Then she begins to tell us how he hates the nurses so he holds his breath to set off alarm bells. When he got sick of doing that he got out of bed began running in place to set off the heart rate monitors and the nurses!  I don’t know why badly behaving patients always makes me people look at me? But don’t think I’m not going to try that the next time I book a stay at the Hospital Hilton.  

Someone dropped a pot on their arm & cut it- the pot jokes are too many and too bad to share.
We have 3 kids with 3 bad lefts eyes. *strange*
Multiple runs in with the Exact Center of the Universe on her cell phone large black SUV parked blocking the driveway & a handicapped spot. FYI her family does own half of the city.
Two absurdly wonderful muddy falls while out running at the near by park, both mine.
An engagement story of epic humor including a pimp, a crack dealer, & a scary homeless man petting a stuffed animal.
The politics of gymnastics. 
An accidental mooning. 
An issue with air fresheners.
The time I left Beach’s dad at home because he was making us late only to have to borrow a phone to call him & ask to bring me Beach’s glasses 'pretty please'.
Hair melt downs. 
Gas station coffee.
Aching backs. 
Staples, a chipped  tooth, a lost tooth, & new braces.
And wedgies.    

Then there are the antics on the floor, the cracked up wiggles of 8 little gymnasts. The ‘Wild One’ the ‘Beachster’s’ most loved partner in crime has an uncanny ability to face plant while walking near the group W bench.  A couple cat fights at the bars. The coach asking for volunteers to try a new scary move on the beam.  Beach boldly steps forward only she isn’t offering up herself she is pushing the ‘Wild One’ forward. Way to have a friend's back Boo.   
 I’d say it was free entertainment but it is costing us all an arm & a leg.

I’ve promised myself in late June when we transition to level 4 to the 3x a week at 3 hours a pop that I won’t stay.  I’m buying a Millcreek pass & I plan on running the Salt Lake Overlook (Desolation Trail), trading one type of side stitch for another.  I don’t doubt high on the switch backs in the blazing summer sun I will missing that bench maybe even regret my decision to let Beach go her way without me constantly looking over her shoulder or her toes whichever is in the air the longest but its time to stop bench sitting. Time to drop & run. 

"And walk out." Alice's Restaurant, By Arlo Guthrie

No comments:

Post a Comment