Tuesday, July 19, 2011

yep. law enforcement is our friend

Law enforcement is our friend even when they have to cowboy up & be that good friend who is willing to tell you you have something stuck in your teeth, or how about that you have a hole in your insurance coverage? Our old policy expired this week before we could forge an agreement on a new carrier the only thing we could agree on was it wasn’t going to be the old one.  We felt like the Federal Government hopelessly dead locked.  

So I was taking a chance driving Beach to gymnastics.  I mean really what are the odds?  (Heard this out of my mouth before?)  Pretty good as it turns out.  And you can see where this is going, we got pulled over.
The officer exits his highway patrol vehicle in the rain. 
“Good afternoon Miss, can I see your license, vehicle registration, & proof of insurance?”
“I don’t have my license on me.” I say opening the glove box. “What does the registration look like?” I ask handing him through the window every damn paper in the glove box.  This accomplishes two things.  First and foremost it changes him from an Officer into a man, a woman just asked him to use his man skills to help her, serve & protect kick in to high gear.  He is instantly sweeter.  And second it uncovers my registration because I really have no fucking idea what it looks like.
He hands me back the rest of the papers along with the car’s owner’s manual, a drawing of Beach's, & a straw.
“Here is the insurance card but we are in the middle of changing policies and honestly Sir I don’t think we have coverage.”  There. My crime spree is ended.  I feel relieved to have it all behind me.
“Well we can deal with that but the reason I pulled you over was your registration is expired.”
BUZZ. Wrong, that is not the crime I am busy committing. Wait what?!?!
“What do you mean my registration is expired?!”
“Expired Miss, back in May.”
“Okay that I didn’t know.  The questionable insurance coverage and not having my Utah DL I will own but had I known about the registration I would not have driven this car.”
“It’s going to be okay, just hang tight for me for a moment and I will look up the Driver’s License and we can check the insurance.”
Then the second Highway Patrol car pulls in.  Now I should tell you that back on the highway I saw the first HP looking at me I pulled off early onto 700 East and when he followed and the lights went on I pulled into the parking lot of the The Salt Lake Running Company.  So I’m in the little red Subaru in the parking lot of a running store with 2 Highway Patrol cars surrounding us. Yep. This getting good. 
I have had other brushes with the law.  I got pulled over about 10 years ago oddly enough in another Subaru wagon gunning it to try to get some speed behind me just to make it up and around the east side of 215. 
“Do you know you were going 85 miles per hour?” he asked.
*Laugh, snort*, “Officer this car could not go 85 if you pushed it off a cliff and any way I wasn’t.  I was going fifty because I was in fifth.  My husband taught me to drive and he told me first is ten, second is twenty, third thirty, fourth forty, and fifth fifty.”  *Girl Smile*
His turn: *laugh, snort*, “Hold on a minute Miss.”  I could see him laughing so hard he was shaking as he walked back to his car trying to compose himself.  Ten minutes later with no luck and even less composure, tears streaming down his face he got out of his car and waved me away. 

I could see this was not going to end that way because then the third car pulls in.
That’s right I am so BAD it takes 3, count them 3 HP’s to take me in…or simply there was a horrible crash up the interstate a few miles from me and my crime spree & they were all hanging around the aftermath.  So he issued me a warning about not carrying my DL, a ticket for the expired registration, & a good chance to prove I actually do still have coverage under the old policy for three more days.
“Now we could in-pound the car but I’m not going to do that to you so if I were you I would leave it here until you have your proof of insurance but we are going leave and what you do when we leave is up to you.”
I have older sisters I’m not falling for that one.  So I take Beach’s hand walk her in front of a 3 HP cars into The Salt Lake Running Company.
The doors slide open and the staff gasps but it’s okay I am among my people here.  “I brought the police with me.” I laugh standing in my Adidas T-shirt, running shorts, sports watch, & new balance running shoes.
“What did you do?” One of them asks.
“My car isn’t registered.  Can I use your phone?”
In the end Beach was a half hour late to gymnastics with very little appreciation for the humor of the situation and I got to drive Chester the Molester Van home while Colby sneaked Little Red the Suburb Mom Wagon the back way home down 27oo South to our mechanic.

You just got your ass pulled over by 3 HP officers & lived to tell about it what are you going to do?  I’m going to get my Driver’s License, walk to 7/11, & buy some beer.  I could really use a drink.


  1. Didn't you just spend a day at the driver licence division?!?

  2. I LOVE this. 3 (THREE!) police cars. You are officially my hero.

    (I 'specially love the 'weeping policeman and 5th gear = 50' mini-story. Masterful work :) )

    (Actually, change that. I 'specially love it all. Can't do favourites).