Monday, April 23, 2012

the dark side of going it alone

It is the whole idea of it: you carry yourself, under your own power across the ground one step at time.  Running.  Mini flights skimming the earth.  You got yourself here, you can get yourself back.  But what if you can’t?  What if you have the power to fly away but not to return?
As I run I am thinking about the possibility of running so far I can’t make it back.  How would I know when far is too far? I keep turning around to see Moses lumbering, panting, fall further and further behind.  I must have added a ½ mile of loops to the distance circling back for him until finally he plopped down in the shade of some over grown bushes.  He was not going to go on.  “Stay here then, I’ll be back.” I told him leaving him there to cool off, to sleep, to wait…
Now, little dog requires a leash.  I don’t know why, she seems to return okay and she follows me, and she’s not aggressive but unless we are in the mountains I tend to tether her to me.  She thinks leaving Moses behind is a horrible idea but she doesn’t have a real vote in the matter she has a leash. 

Three more miles and the trail grows hotter & empty.  I begin to wonder about the wind on Everest (if it was to blow in your mouth would you feel even more breathless?), wonder about souls on an airplane (did they really know they were about to die?), about what a child is doing while she waits for me to pop back into sight (is she still in the garden relocating pill bugs?), then I wonder about a dog napping in the shade (if I had to could I carry him home?).  And even though I want to keep going I turn us around on the next trail head because all the answers to my question seem to be running in the other direction. 
Backtracking we find Moses standing in the middle of the trail watching us approach.  He falls in at my side and we don’t talk about it.  However, little dog does.  She nips at him twice to let him know she didn’t approve of his loafing about.  All of our steps are less like flight and the panting louder.  I can feel my sugars dropping, the ph in my blood turn, like one drink too many it sets you free & trips you up at the same time. 
It is the whole idea of it: you carry yourself away.   You don’t have to worry about how you are going to get back.  It’s not your job, they will always bring you home.

No comments:

Post a Comment