Wednesday, March 7, 2012

new gym jitters

What I told Beach before going in to interview a new gym was this:  Do your best and have fun but always remember you are a representative of GTC make your coaches proud.  What watching her in a gym centered around the idea of the individual gymnast verses the collective team told me:  Her and I want different things.  I want to protect her and she wants to be pushed.  I want to defend her and she wants to be challenged.  I want her to be loved within a safe little village but she loves herself enough to not need what is beyond her own nose.  The new gym has no joy, no smiles, all work, and yet Beach was okay with that, even loved it through a few hard fought back tears (it was intense!).  I was torn.  Torn between creating a distraction & abducting her or buying her a pony to make up for the pain & suffering.  Not exactly joking, it was really hard to watch the 3 hours of straight up training and conditioning, 3 water breaks, no snacks, no smiles, no talking.  I managed to snag her at the fountain and asked her if she wanted to stay or not.  She said she didn't know but before I could ask her again the coach called her name, being who she is she left her mother knelling on the floor running to her coach, never even looking back. 
It is a fantastic program she would do very well there...and then the 'but', it begs the question; she is doing very well right where she is, overcrowding and all.  I am grateful to the new gym for allowing us to join them, allowing us a look around.  For right now, at 8 yrs old, the choice is hers and hers alone.  I trust her as an athlete to make a better choice for herself than I as her mother could make for her.  Honestly, I don't know what she will decide.  What I do know is where ever she goes they will be lucky to have her.    
And me? I still hope for the math on the class sizes at GTC to make an amazing adjustment.  I hope for her beloved coaches to stay with her or at least near by enough to make a needed correction.  I suppose that says a lot for the direction I am leaning but like I said, her and I want different things.  The older she gets the more obvious it becomes her and I are everything and nothing alike all at once.         

3 comments:

  1. That is soooo tough. :(
    I would be so torn. Aside from the protective thing, I don't have any love for rigidity, and know that such things can (and often do) annihilate the love for something. :(
    So... to be so thoroughly unattached to so many things "Don't take this love away from her!" and being around no smiles and basic unfriendliness and rigidity... so, so hard.
    Wishing peace and certain Knowing to you and Beach.

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  2. Thanks Stephanie, The whole child-athlet is a strange land for a mom to be in. But I feel in my heart she will pick to stay where she can be both happy & successful, after all what good is one without the other?

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  3. Exactly. Both is required for fulfillment.

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